Shelves: nonfiction , tv-show-tie-in , chick-lit , sexuality , relationships , wtf-did-i-just-read , gender-studies I make no apologies: I am a Jersey Shore fan. Being a Shore fan is much like a step program. One starts with denial: I cant believe how awful this show is; who watches this? The next step is anger: People should be ashamed for watching this; there are no morally-redeeming qualities about this show.
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Down here we do things our own way. Women need dating rules like they need bras. You need the right support. By that, I mean a set of street-smart guidelines for dating, mating, and whatever comes before, after, and in between.
Sharing a house on the Shore with four fist-pumping Guidos gave me a unique perspective on the opposite sex. We were in seriously close quarters. I got to experience them in their natural habitat — the clubs — creeping on chicks.
I got to watch relationships build and crumble. I got to see people looking for love and people only looking for sex. I now understand much more about what makes men tick. Or at the very least, how to tick them off. It was eye-opening although, occasionally nauseating! Even if it sometimes meant I saw a little more than I wanted You do things without considering the consequences. You take a lot of s--t that you would normally never put up with. Sometimes you even lose yourself.
So you need some basic principles to keep you grounded, to put things in perspective. No excuses, no exceptions. I found myself with the wrong guys, compromising who I was, and trying to justify sticking it out when walking away would have been a much smarter choice. I was miserable. I cried and bitched and moaned about the losers I was with. Then, suddenly, one day it hit me: enough is enough. I wanted more. I was sick of settling. I was better than this.
I needed a good slap in the face to set me straight. I was brutally honest. Suddenly the pieces began to fall into place.
I could see the same patterns over and over. Then I began to examine the types of guys I was dating and how they operated. Just in case no one has ever told you before, men are pretty transparent and predictable.
I even found love at the Jersey Shore, which is not something I ever expected or thought possible. My roommates love the guy I am seeing now. They see how much I smile and laugh. They never noticed this side of me before because I was so depressed and defensive. I have experienced more in my twenty-five years than most women twice my age.
And I screwed up. Several of my relationships have been train wrecks. We all have our horror stories and we all make mistakes. I have never come across a girl that got it right the first time — myself included.
The trick is to learn from your mistakes. Maybe my guidelines are a little Guidette-harsh. The truth hurts. Because bitches will back off and steer clear of your man.
My Shore mates love this about me. The one everyone feels comfortable coming to for advice. The boys, the girls — they know they can open up to me and I will be honest. My rules will protect you in the long run. You do not want to be the grenade in your group. You want to look your freshest from head to toe, and that means body, skin, hair, and everything you wear.
Total package. You want the inside and outside to be in sync. Which is why I have also included several rules on how to get in shape, eat right, dress, and do your hair and makeup. So now the question is, are you ready? Are you ready to be fierce, flirty, and play dirty if necessary? If so, read on Reprinted by permission of William Morrow.
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